- Sense of Safety: Women look for lots of things in men, but they tend to focus a lot more on their
future livelihood when in relationships. She wants to be with a man who they know will be able to take care of her in the future. Provide for her, treat her to life's pleasantries, and be the rock in her storm. This doesn't mean you have to be headed up the fast track for CEO, but at least have the ambitions to lead a successful life.
Some girls favor one more than the other, but the two main themes you should focus on for attraction, are Humor, and Sense of Safety.
2. Natural Progression. I don't believe in any of that "One heart, one soul" bullsh*t, or there's one person for everyone in the world. No. That's hollywood selling women some false hope, don't buy it.
There are people who are right for you in different stages of your life. You will stay together as long as you grow together. If your life changes, and her's doesn't, or isn't willing to, then it's adios chica, and vice versa.
You both have to grow together, as people, your goals & values should remain consistent (for the most part), otherwise you are in for rocky roads.
Where Majority Go Wrong
You get complacent, and stop showing her the above points (Humor, sense of safety, growth & progression) and basically you change. You start getting "used" to her "always" loving you, and being there, your sex drive slows, you get bored of doing the same thing, dinner and a movie, and you don't have the fun magical life you once did. You don't tease her any more, romance her to the extent you used to because, well, you "got" her.
Big mistake, the challenge in relationships is always to find the romance, find the "fun" and keep hitting the attraction switches that turn her on. But more importantly isn't to "try" and do them, but make them your personality, or better yet, don't LOSE them in your personality as time goes on.
That's where most guys f*ck up. They get complacent, settle, and forget to do the things that once attracted their girl. She then gets fed up with it "I still love you and care about you, but this isn't working" and goes and looks for another guy who will show her the same things you ONCE DID.
So how do we fix it, and get her back??
Time Away and Come Back a "New Man"
In order to get her back you need to show her a new side of you, or basically the same side she once fell in love with/liked. And the ONLY WAY TO DO THIS is to give her space to forget her current assessment of you. You have to freeze her out, let her forget the things that impacted her decision to leave, then revert back to the old you, and have it subtly show to her that you're back to your "old" self.
You can't call her up and say "I've changed, lets get coffee" you have to subtly show her, so maybe she sees you having fun out one night with friends, or on your Facebook wall (gotta love technology), and yes they will stalk it out, or become friends with her and grab a drink as friends (about 1-3 months apart is a good gauge of time), and just flirt with her. Tease her, show her the new things you have going for you in your life. That you're traveling, experiencing new things in life that are fun and that she should be apart of. Tell her about your future plans on starting up xyz business, or the new promotion your working towards/got at work. Basically hit on the main two switches I outlined above.
Cliff Notes for A.D.D. Readers:
Steps to get your girlfriend back:
Realize what the reason is that you lost her - Attraction Switches, which ones faded away
Give her space and time to forget that about you and wipe the slate clean
Work on creating a fun and extravagant lifestyle again
SUBTLY show her the "NEW" you and hit the attraction switches again and again (1-3 months apart from each other is a good separation time)
NEVER "TRY" AND GET HER BACK - if she sees you "trying" or having some sort of agenda to get her back, you're done.
That's it folks, those are the simple steps to get your girlfriend back. There is some more details that can be explored for each of these steps, but that's for another time! Follow those rules and you will have your girlfriend back in no time!
Before we get started, I've coached hundreds of men, spent thousands of hours in "the field" and was a part of a team of EXPERT dating coaches. So my knowledge of the subject is far and wide. I've experienced everything I write about and that you will read in the following article.
This article is for those who lost their girlfriend and either...
Have no idea why
Had her give some lame reason, or she's just not into it anymore
or had a break up and tried to get her back, but couldn't.
Everybody has been there. One day you're smooth sailing, eating cotton candy and laughing in Relationship Fantasy Land, and then all of a sudden, the ride malfunctions, and 3 kids are tossed from their seats, and that Fantasy Land you were once living so happily in, is gone.
Sometimes break ups seem to "Come out of nowhere" but that's only if you can't read the signs. And sometimes you can see them coming but don't know how to course correct and stop them from happening. Well my friend, you are in luck, because this article is going to show you how to do both.
How I will structure this article. I am going to go a little in-depth on explanations here, because I want to make sure you will understand HOW to get your girl back. But for all my A.D.D. friends, scroll to the bottom for cliff notes.
Why the break up happens
A break up happens when one or both people start to VIEW the other differently. This is important, because majority of the time the one who is being left, still feels they haven't changed or can change and is "willing to do anything" to prove it.
Bottom line is, women leave men for 2 Main reasons:
She isn't attracted to you anymore (this can be changed easier)
Your relationship didn't progress naturally (this is harder to change, and probably shouldn't be)
1. She isn't attracted to you anymore. This is an easy fix. She was at some point attracted to you, otherwise you wouldn't have been dating in the first place. What was it that attracted her to you? Your looks? Your sense of humor? Your knowledge of xyz subject? What was it that you two initially bonded over? All of those play a role, but attraction is something that can be taught. Women are attracted to a couple key things in men, but the main 2 ingredients are Humor, and a sense of safety.
There are a bunch of sub categories, but these 2 convey to her all of the other points that she is looking for in a subtle way.
Humor conveys: Social proof (other people like you and find you funny too), confidence (you put yourself out there to say a joke/tease, you're willing to take risks in this area and others in life, and risk-takers are usually rewarded heavily), you're carefree (you don't let little things bother you and are happy in life. Happy people go places), you are a good time to be around, and enjoy experiencing the "fun" things in life (no dull moments that she has to worry about taking the lead in... also going to shows, vacations, exploring whatever hobbies and cities you visit, etc...).